Keeping Your Divorce Clean When Kids are Involved

Are you planning to file for divorce and have dependent children? If so, you likely want to avoid a nasty divorce because you realize that your children may get hurt in the process. The following tips can help you engage with your children and get through your divorce as amicably as possible.

Beware of ploys that your children may use.

Children may make purposeful attempts to cause friction between their parents during a divorce.  For example, a child might tell a lie on one parent to get the other parent to approve a request. This is why it is important to try to keep a clear line of communication with the other spouse about permission to do things such as staying after school or going to a friend's house. If you find it difficult to speak to the other parent, consider texts or emails for communication. 

Refrain from speaking about the other spouse in a negative manner.

You have likely figured out that you and your spouse are both imperfect people. This is not something that you should speak about around your children. They might go back and repeat the information to the other parent, or they might start to form negative opinions about the other parent, which could cause them to be disrespectful. If the other parent says something negative about you, a verbal fight could be created as you both attempt to expose the other person's imperfections.

A child's rebellion that could result might be towards the other parent, towards you or both. Some children who have idealistic views of their parents might also start acting out at school if they hear too much negative information about their parents. 

Consider counseling.

If you see signs of depression, aggression or your child actually tells you that they have negative feelings about the divorce, counseling can help. You may want to get them individual counseling, but there may also be a way for your family to have counseling sessions to help the children recover. If your spouse is unwilling to participate in counseling sessions involving your children, it may be possible to get it court-ordered. 

Ensure that visitation times child support payments are handled legally.

You do not need to wait until your divorce is final to start receiving child support payments or set up visitation times. Money and time conflicts are issues that could make a divorce get "nasty." Creating legal obligations and outlines for these issues may reduce conflicts. This is why a family law attorney, such as Kalamarides & Lambert, is the best resource to use when a divorce is imminent. They can help set up temporary child support payments and visitation. The final divorce decree may keep these things the same or change them.